


Konoha at 2 a.m.

by orphan_account



Series: naruto crack [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Crack, Demon Summoning, Don't Repost Onto Another Site, Gen, Hashirama has plant magic, I Don't Even Know, Magic, Short, Texting, Zetsu is a demon, don't copy onto another site, i wrote this in twenty minutes at 2 a.m., izuna & madara equals separation anxiety, madara is a wine aunt pass it on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25259089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's date night, but Hashirama forgot the flowers.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Izuna & Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Madara & Uchiha Obito
Series: naruto crack [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867456
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Konoha at 2 a.m.

**Author's Note:**

> what the hell is this?

Madara holds his bottle of wine close as the city burns. He's _so_ getting drunk with Izuna after this. Speaking of Izuna, he hasn't heard from him since he went to work this morning. Madara tries to quell the unfounded panic this induces, but he gives in rather easily and sends Izuna a text.

_Where r u?_

_Did u eat yet?_

He hugs the bottle close, rapping his fingers on it nervously. The noise rouses the demon Madara summoned and currently has stuck in a ring of salted and soapy vinegar— _exactly_ how he likes to kill weeds—and it hisses menacingly.

"Oh, hush, Zetsu. I'll deal with you later."

_im stuck in a traffic jam, but im omw._

_are you okay? radio just said konoha is on fire._

Madara lets out a sigh of relief that Izuna responded so quickly. He allows that small smile that always peeks out when he talks to Izuna. 

_Yes im fine, i did that._

_Did u eat yet?_

_no, i haven't. i have a recipe in mind, though._

_did you eat?_

_why is konoha on fire?_

_No i was waiting 4 u._

_It's date night, hashi forgot the flowers._

_:(_

_want me to key his car?_

_No no. Thats what zetsu is for._

_him again? hmm._

_ill make a salad, too, then._

_:0_

_Youre evil, i love u._

_Also i have wine._

_good, good. just for the two of us?_

_on your date night?_

_I repeat: hashi forgot the flowers._

_honestly, fuck him._

_oh, shit, gotta go, traffics letting up._

_love you_

_Love u 2_

Zetsu snarls again, but Madara just rolls his eyes. 

"Hashirama has _plant magic_ —how did he manage to forget the fucking _flowers_?"

A particularly large plume of smoke blows in his face. Madara coughs violently. He will never admit that he went overboard, nope, _never_.

Zetsu grumbles again, poking helplessly at the salt and making pained noises. He looks like a dejected child, Madara notes with glee. Eventually, Zetsu manages to get his finger past the ring.

"Uhh." Madara says intelligently.

Zetsu grins at him, looking every bit the demon he is. Madara hastily texts Obito as Zetsu slowly inches free.

_At the monument, need ur help._

_Bring guruguru._

_is it zetsu?_

_y're a man, u can take him_

_He's getting out, omg, pls._

_With our powers combined–_

_s u f f e r_

_No dinner for a week, young man!_

_...k fine_

_ur mom gay_

_Which one?_

_o h s n a p_

Zetsu steps a foot out of the ring, laughing all the while. Madara puts his phone away, cursing his poor decision skills for bringing the bottle of wine. Not for summoning a demon, oh no. That's on Hashirama, for _forgetting. the._ **_flowers_**.

Next time, Madara vows as Obito arrives with Guruguru, he'll just have Izuna key Hashirama's car. Probably. He's always up for torching the city, though.

"You frugal _bitch–_ " Obito huffs afterwards, when he inspects the sealing ring. "Just buy actual weed killer, dumbass!"

**Author's Note:**

> weeds always seem to survive my salt, soap, and vinegar concoction and it honestly terrifies me how powerful they are


End file.
